Your Osmosis, As Requested

Advertisers will tell you, “You spoke, and we listened. Now our product [has the thing we discussed]…” Everyone’s head perks up when they hear that, because they want to know, What did we say?! Like it’s a little surprise party, and you hope all of the presents you get are things you’ve been hinting that you’ve wanted throughout the entire year.

You might be saying to me, “Advertisers don’t tell you that, actors do! You f*** (silly.)” Actors may say those things, but actors are little more that PVC pipes: they funnel source-material through their hollow, plastic bodies and hope whatever comes out of their mouths actually matters. So, in light of this premise, it truly is the advertisers who are telling you what the actors happen to say.

When I hear that I’ve spoken and companies have listened, my mind goes completely off the subject of the ad. I am, relatively, quite outspoken, so the chances I’ve unwittingly told an advertiser all about what I want out of everything, at one point or another, are great. “You spoke, we listened…” Holy crap, they’ve legalized marijuana with a 49.5% sales tax. I didn’t know Dove for men had that kind of influence. We can build a brand-new school for every child!

I wonder if the CFO’s and CEO’s of these companies are okay with all of this listening. I’m sure a great deal of them are totally cool with it, but there is, no doubt, a few who despise it when the PR group is on the ball. These few executives despise the fact that we lesser-humans are allowed to make any requests, at all. If it were up to them, we’d all make our own products for their companies, pro bono, then give them any money we find so they can buy the products we made and keep the money circulating through their enterprises, alone. And they’d love it if we didn’t actually need their products, but instead elected to give them everything we own and die, so they can rotate their personnel--fresh legs coming off the bench, as it were.

Heaven knows how these public relations peeps listen to us consumers, though. Thank goodness for them, because how would we know what we wanted until they told us that we told them we wanted it? We can’t be expected to consciously desire anything. We’re mindless couriers for their profits, waiting to be lured by the distractions we’ve mindlessly requested. We should be ever grateful for those that know the best keys to dangle or bells to ring, because we’ve told them which ones make the prettiest sparkle and noise with our dilated pupils and salivating mouths. We’ll have us begging by the end.

We spoke and they listened, so we know they’re good listeners. Naturally, we’ll both remember our exchange of ideas, us and them, and hope these companies give us consumers what we’ve asked for. Although, the joke’s on them, in the end; some of us talk in our sleep, and can’t remember what we’ve spoken. And forget to care.