Why Are You Jogging Away?

circa
Whenever I see a person jogging, my thoughts quickly veer toward the image of the jogger not exercising, but instead running for their lives. Some of them even look like they’re struggling to get away. At the very least, it appears as though they are trying running away from something, even if it’s apparently innocuous.

 I saw an older woman this morning running from her age. The previous evening, I saw a couple running from their relationship. And earlier that day, I saw a college student running from his life. Around the same time, I saw two twenty-something women running from their independence.
Other times, it looks like the jogger is merely trying to keep their faces above the ground. Like they’re not running so much as pushing their upper-halves as far as possible before toppling over. Who am I to judge, though, right? My only concern is that I’m usually going around 30-45 m.p.h. when I see this indigenous sub-species of joggers, taking my eyes off the road as I stare in awe of their majesty, clumsily traipsing through their habitat.

There are many reasons why you and I don’t jog, though. The number one reason being: you have to run at a medium pace. This is the greatest flaw of jogging; the ridiculous bouncing, bordering on walking with convulsions, is humiliating. The local fauna mock us behind their bushes and in their caves. They know we don’t like it. They know we have no other reason to do it, other than to exercise, and that cracks them up. “You mean, you have a shelter built for you just so you can run away from it? *Hearty squirrel-chortle*!!!”

All of this stems from me seeing a person jogging. How silly it is that they run! Nobody tell them that there are people driving those cars that pass them by, then those of us that drive will have nothing to look at.

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