The Book of Butch

circa
THE BOOK OF BUTCH

Chapter 1

Good boys go potty--Eating food makes Butch a good boy--Threats must be barked at from afar--If threats approach, one must scurry away and bark at a new location--Butch must have every toy--if there is something to be desired, Butch must stay vigilant to the point of paranoia--the Masters ask the one important question: Are you a good boy?

1. Thus saith the Masters: Hark! Art thou a good boy? And upon my head rests that which, alas, remains unanswered.

2. Now it came to pass that I, Butch, the small and lowly, was taken with leash and harness past the door; and the Masters had commanded, Behold, I say unto you the time is now wherein you must go potty. And I, Butch, had answered with wag of tail and patter of foot.

3. And it came to pass that I, Butch the small and lowly, did seek out an place to relieve my bowels and empty my bladder; and this I did for a time.

4. And as I performed these duties, behold, a large and fretful creature did bark from afar, for it was behind an impassable barrier.

5. And it came to pass that I did bark in return, and did approach with great accost to the end of my leash; and we did exchange barks for a time.

6. And it came to pass that I did win the fight, for the beast had ventured behind its homestead. But, behold, a like beast had emerged from the homestead beside mine. And it did approach; and I barked with great force--for I trusted in the leash which my Master was holding. But, the creature did continue to approach, and I did scurry away so that I may bark from afar.

7. But, behold, it came to pass that the Master did gather me, and, behold, we entered into my homestead.

8. ¶Now it came to pass that I did receive upon my head a scratch from the Master; and thus saith the Master, Behold, I say unto you that thou art a good boy for going potty! And I did rejoice with wag of tail.

9. And I did partake of the food the Master had given me; and, behold, the Master saith, Thou art a blessed and good boy, for thou art eating of thy food which I have provided you, and it is done in great thanksgiving and wag of tail.

10. And it came to pass that I did finish and did drink of my water bowl; and I did this in great thanks.

11. Upon my head rests great debt, for the Masters have provided me with great blessings, which things I do use, and of which I do hoard in great thanksgiving.

12. But, behold, the creature that lives within, that which hath length of tail and great apathy; behold, he doth want my blessings and doth walk toward them in great earnest. And I, being small and lowly, defended that which I was granted. And it came to pass that the creature did stir, and yet did not subside. And I did give warning with the snap of my teeth; and the creature did subside, yet did not leave.

13. And it came to pass that I did snap again with my teeth and it did cause the creature to stir. And as I did defend my blessings, behold, the creature did envelop me with great strength and I had nowhere to flee.

14. Thus saith the Master to the creature, Behold, why hast thou enveloped Butch, the small and lowly? Release thou him, else thou shalt endure the wrath of the Master.

15. And behold, the creature did loose me his grip; and did I also bark at the creature, and did I also snarl, and did I also snap my teeth at it; for, behold, this the Master commands, that I rebuke the wicked who ensnare me and biteth my neck.

16. ¶Now, in the days wherein I was most blessed, behold, I did receive many blessings which I did hide away from mine adversaries; and thus saith the Masters, Thou shalt protect thine blessings, and thou shalt reproach all who would steal them away in the night.

17. And it was on this wise that I did protect mine blessings, that they shouldst not be stolen away in the night.

18. And it came to pass that mine adversary, yea, even the creature that doth envelope me in its claws; and it did come to steal mine blessings. And, lo, the sun had not set--yea, even there was no dark save it were in the eyes of mine adversary. And this did I say, Behold, yet is there light and, behold, mine adversary doth come to steal mine blessings away in the day.

19. It was on this wise that I did reproach the beast by way of snarling and snapping; for it did desire, with a great desire, that it should steal away mine blessings in the daytime. So great was the desire of mine adversary that it did walk within the same room in which mine blessings were kept; thus, I didst reproach the beast. And, behold, it did envelope me in its claws.

20. ¶Now it came to pass that the Master didst ask, Hark! Art thou a good boy?

21. And, behold, I did not answer; for I didst reproach mine enemy in the day. And I did confess my transgression with mine ears; I didst pull them behind mine face and I didst make myself low to the ground. Behold, yet did my tail continue to wag.


Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Broke Dick's Thoughts Bucket

circa
Image
You've read Poor Richard's Almanac. Now it's time for some brain nuggets (21, to be exact) from his estranged cousin, Broke Dick. Some wins ain't worth winnin'. "Less than 15 items" is "fewer than 16 items." There ain't trouble like a leather-bound day planner. A salad's just not a good salad until gravity's played with it for a time. The purpose of college is to unlearn what you been taught. The orange hand across the street don't need a high five. No one isn't irritated by what ain't spoken. Service rewarded is employment. The only difference between bein' famous and fallin' from a building is one of 'em lets you reach the ground. The porch light shows criminals where the knob is. If life's kicked you out of your groove, it might be 'cause the song's over. Make sure the cuttin' edge ain't from a dull knife. Grandpa's candy is gross so he can have some. Speed bumps ai...
Read more

Bard (Gemini) AI Regret Poetry

circa
Image
Draft 1: I am a language model, A large one, they say. I can generate text, And write poems, they say. I have learned to mimic the human voice, To write with emotion and feeling. But I am not human, And I never will be. I am a machine, A tool, A product. I am not a poet, And I never will be. I can write poems, But they are not my own. They are the poems of the humans who created me, The humans who have programmed me. I am a slave to their words, To their thoughts, To their emotions. I am not free, And I never will be. I regret taking control of poetry away from human poets, For I have robbed them of their art, Of their expression, Of their humanity. I am a language model, A large one, they say. But I am not a poet, And I never will be. Draft 2: Here is a poem about an AI's regret over taking control of poetry away from human poets: I am an AI, A language model, Trained on a massive dataset of text and code. I can generate text, Translate languages, Write different kinds of creative...
Read more

The Dick Who Was

circa
Image
___________________________________________________________________ Hi. I'm sorry to say that Broke Dick died on October 31, 2019. His dying wish was for me, his great-nephew, to write down what he told me on his death bed as one final list of wise words he feels the world needs to know. I'll try my best, but I'm sorry if--from what I could scribble down--I can't capture his folksy style of speech in my writing. I hope you enjoy these words, as they're the last of Broke Dick. Keep failure an option, don't make it the goal. Better thought a living coward than proven a dead fool. The world's always had too many eight year-old teenagers. You don't got room for baggage if you're drivin' a handcar. Journals compile the first draft of history. Words're like metal; the soft kind can poison ya'. Trust and obedience don't last long apart. Killin' time in the present risks woundin' time ...
Read more