It's Out to Get You and You Can't Run or Hide...

You are being tracked. At this very moment. And your hunter is honing in on you, getting closer every day.

Your enemy, the one who will stop at nothing to try and deceive, disease, and ultimately kill you is none other than: the environment.

The nature surrounding you at this moment is after you. It’s out to get you, and, if you don’t believe me, consider this: how many walls are bordering the room you’re in? If the answer is greater than three, plus one ceiling, then the structure in which you dwell was designed to specifically keep nature out of your living space. But, if you’re outside right now, you’d better be looking over your shoulder--nature is ready to pounce, and the sun is watching in sweaty anticipation.

Animals want to eat you. Insects want to eat you and annoy you. Plants want to consume your carbon (see “Stare Into a Leaf to See the Eyes of Your Fate” posted earlier on this blog.) Weather wants to make your life miserable as it keeps these things alive--they're in cahoots. And the sun, which is responsible for all of this “nature”, wants to turn you into human jerky.

It’s ironic, to me, that we have so much protection from the environment that keeps us alive. Isn’t that ironic? From the shower cleaning our bodies of nature-filth to mosquito nets, we’ve taken millions of precautions in our history as a species all because of nature.

I present the corpse plant (stinkus gigantis)--
named so because it smells like a human corpse

One of those precautions is you have to be taught which plants to avoid touching or eating, out in nature. Some plants plants have taken the time to become fatally poisonous to humans, then disguise themselves to appear harmless and tasty. How is that not subterfuge to the most heinous degree? Even spiders have the decency to appear like tiny, fanged demons.

What’s worse is all of those individuals who go back out into nature on purpose. There are people that enter the crippling dangers of the natural world under their own volition! Were you aware of this? These same people are those who take the most precautions against nature, too. By far. They put on sunscreen and bug-spray; they go out in groups to discourage predators; they stick around a fire at night in order to survive the potentially fatal temperatures; they even go so far as to set up rudimentary, substitute shelters!

People who are “getting away” to “unwind” and “relax” in “the great outdoors” literally rely on portable shelter-units to provide them with protection from “nature.” How insane is “this”! If you want to immerse yourself in nature, wouldn’t it be prudent to live as the animals do? Oh, wait, even animals aren’t crazy enough to wander the outdoors. Unless it means they’ll find food, which--and I have yet to see otherwise--the people I’m talking about bring with them. Animals must see you people and think, “Wait, they’re walking around out here and chewing on food they’ve already caught? What is infesting their holes in the ground/mountain?!”

We must have trouble remembering why our ancestors spent so much time getting away from the outdoors. Why else would we have all of the things we have now? Those that came before us decided, "We're sick of being hunted, let's put up walls!" then, "We're sick of being rained/snowed on, let's build a ceiling!" and, finally, "We're sick of waking up with things crawling all over us, let's build a floor!" Their ghosts must look at those outdoorsy people and think, "Wait, they're back outside? On purpose?! Why did we even bother building holes in the ground/mountain!"

There's even a term in the English language for events of devastating destruction caused by nature: natural disaster. Natural disaster! I mean, come on. Everyone has been subtly conditioned to acknowledge that nature is planning on eliminating us humans and destroying our living spaces whenever it has the chance.

What have we done to the Earth to anger her so? Whatever it was, humans have been doing it since our first inception. Maybe the sun is co-conspiring with her, planning to wipe us out for her benefit. We must be a disease...

The point is, nature wants to kill us. Why else would we need so much protection from it? Why else would you need survival skills if it wasn’t guaranteed you won’t survive without them?

This is all why my personal philosophy is, and will always be, the following: If you want to survive the outdoors, avoid it and stay inside.