Avoiding Collinsworth--I Mean, Confrontsworth...Confrontationsworth

circa
You want to remember where you've seen someone before you address them, because if you happen to be given the chance to speak with them, the recollection might taint the ensuing conversation.

For instance, I saw a woman I was certain I recognized. Before I had the chance to bring this up, however, I remembered where I had seen her face, but more importantly, I had heard the voice that came with it. It was during a football game. It would have been one thing to say, "You look like a cheerleader!" but she didn't. I knew there was no reason to move in on an introduction, because how does one proceed when all one can think of is Chris Collinsworth? It would interrupt every train of thought. "So, what's it like working with Al Michaels?" "Why do you always sound like you're stifling a burp?" "You know, I still remember when you were with Bradshaw, Brown, Long, and Johnson. Whatever happened to you guys, anyway? I'll bet it was when Jimmy Kimmel came along and mercilessly roasted Terry Bradshaw and none of you cowards stood up for the man. You should be ashamed, Collinsworth." 

Every word would be followed by an internal whisper of 'Collinsworth.' "I haven't (Collinsworth) seen (Collinsworth) you (Collinsworth) in (Collinsworth) a (Collinsworth) while (yes you have, Collinsworth.)

I dodged a bullet with this young woman, especially since the man she was with looked like Boomer Esiason.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Broke Dick's Thoughts Bucket

circa
Image
You've read Poor Richard's Almanac. Now it's time for some brain nuggets (21, to be exact) from his estranged cousin, Broke Dick. Some wins ain't worth winnin'. "Less than 15 items" is "fewer than 16 items." There ain't trouble like a leather-bound day planner. A salad's just not a good salad until gravity's played with it for a time. The purpose of college is to unlearn what you been taught. The orange hand across the street don't need a high five. No one isn't irritated by what ain't spoken. Service rewarded is employment. The only difference between bein' famous and fallin' from a building is one of 'em lets you reach the ground. The porch light shows criminals where the knob is. If life's kicked you out of your groove, it might be 'cause the song's over. Make sure the cuttin' edge ain't from a dull knife. Grandpa's candy is gross so he can have some. Speed bumps ai...
Read more

Bard (Gemini) AI Regret Poetry

circa
Image
Draft 1: I am a language model, A large one, they say. I can generate text, And write poems, they say. I have learned to mimic the human voice, To write with emotion and feeling. But I am not human, And I never will be. I am a machine, A tool, A product. I am not a poet, And I never will be. I can write poems, But they are not my own. They are the poems of the humans who created me, The humans who have programmed me. I am a slave to their words, To their thoughts, To their emotions. I am not free, And I never will be. I regret taking control of poetry away from human poets, For I have robbed them of their art, Of their expression, Of their humanity. I am a language model, A large one, they say. But I am not a poet, And I never will be. Draft 2: Here is a poem about an AI's regret over taking control of poetry away from human poets: I am an AI, A language model, Trained on a massive dataset of text and code. I can generate text, Translate languages, Write different kinds of creative...
Read more

The Dick Who Was

circa
Image
___________________________________________________________________ Hi. I'm sorry to say that Broke Dick died on October 31, 2019. His dying wish was for me, his great-nephew, to write down what he told me on his death bed as one final list of wise words he feels the world needs to know. I'll try my best, but I'm sorry if--from what I could scribble down--I can't capture his folksy style of speech in my writing. I hope you enjoy these words, as they're the last of Broke Dick. Keep failure an option, don't make it the goal. Better thought a living coward than proven a dead fool. The world's always had too many eight year-old teenagers. You don't got room for baggage if you're drivin' a handcar. Journals compile the first draft of history. Words're like metal; the soft kind can poison ya'. Trust and obedience don't last long apart. Killin' time in the present risks woundin' time ...
Read more