Eat BRAT's for Breakfast

circa
If you're doing keto, stop. There's a better option. I don't know what that option is, but I'm sure it's not the BRAT diet. Speaking of the BRAT diet...

Before you get excited, the BRAT diet is not what it sounds like, namely an abbreviation of the 'bratwurst' diet. It's an acryonym--you can tell by how loud it is.

The letters in the acronymn 'BRAT' stand for: beans, raisins, avocado...no, that's not it. Um...: butter, rubharb...tripe? Hold on.

The BRAT diet consists of: boiled-eggs, rooibos, artichoke, and parsnips. (I know I have the link right there, but I forgot what I read and I'm not going back.) The only thing I remember, for sure, is that yogurt is a viable option to add to the list. This metamorphs the BRAT diet into the superior BRATY diet.

The 'keto diet' is based around changing your metabolism from burning energy using carbohydrates (food) to, instead, using only fat and fat-stores (fat) for energy. This is called 'ketosis' and is usually only found in people who have already starved to death.

My purpose for this post is one of great import to the parents of young children out there. I have a 23 month-old son, and I'm not going to round it up to two, because he's in time out. This is because he was being, for lack of a better word, a sh--I mean, brat. It has dawned on me that, when he was sick or struggling digestively, we would follow a pediatrician's suggestion that we go the BRATY way. I'm concerned that, like keto turns into ketosis, BRATY turns into bratty metabolism.

This isn't to try and pinpoint a problem, though. I just like the thought that people can turn into brats because of a diet. Another name for the diet is actually the 'bland' diet, and we all know that bland food doesn't turn people bland, it turns them into Russians. Just kidding. It turns them bratty.

I would love it if this was actually true. I would love it if, during a one-on-one meeting at an advertising firm, two guys were just talking but one of them starting being really combative:

"How can we bring up these numbers for this quarter, Stan?"

"How can we bring up that I don't have to bring any stupid thing for this stupid ever because I don't want to, huh Jason?"

"..."

"Oh, geez. I'm sorry, bro. I'm kind of on edge, today. I'm on the BRATY."

"Wow. I just started the BRATY, but I think I'm going to go back to eating protein powder with the measuring cup if bratty turns you into a tool, bro."

"Bro."

If your child is a bit difficult, at times, maybe it's not the terrible two's or the threatening three's. Maybe it was because you had once, unwittingly, converted their bodies to metabolize whining. Maybe their bodies can only digest whines using the conniption process, that's just how their digestive system pushes the brat through their system.

I'm not trying to knock the BRAT diet, don't worry. It worked for us, and my son is just another toddler, not a brat. (That's for his mom.)

But, if you're going to do the bratwurst diet, that's so keto, bro.

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