Kids Live Where People Drive

circa
There is a sign on a street I frequent that says, I'm not making this up, "Drive like your kids live here." This sign is great. It's just the right amount of passive aggression that I can relate to, since I write blog posts criticizing things like this.

What is the ultimate goal of these signs? Yes, there is more than one. I am aware of parents and/or grandparents who would have little to no regard for their own children, so is the request to drive like their progeny lives there an invitation to go full maniac and swerve side to side at 60 miles an hour, knocking down any and everything or any and everyone in their path? "Here's the money you keep asking for, ya' traitor!" "Tell me to stop giving my own grandchildren candy..." "Oh, that looked like my kid, but now I'm not so sure with their face stuck to the pavement." Just kidding about that last one. But, you get my point.

There must be some people's kids out there who make their own parents nervous, so maybe it's a warning. Maybe the people who have these signs up are warning about the ravenous children they have, and they just assume all kids are like that, so they're warning people to get out of there as quickly as possible. Like, if you drive too slowly, you'll see a child run at your car who's foaming at the mouth and has black, wild pupils, and they ate the last guy after they chewed through is door handle because he locked it and rolled up the window.

But, in all seriousness, why drive like your kids live there? What if you don't have kids? That sign means nothing in that case, and even insults the couples who can't have kids. Why not drive like people live there, you know, actually alive people? If someone is driving with clearly no respect for human lives, then a mildly-sized private panel of condecension isn't going to lift their heels of the accelerator.

And I'm at fault for not writing this post like my kids are going to read it. But, hey, I didn't see a sign.

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