I was thinking...

Amidst all of the unsettling things of the world today, I feel its necessary to take it upon myself to add to the controversy. A sort of gilding the uneasy lily. So here are a few very controversial statements which don't necessarily reflect my actual opinion, but exist simply for the purpose of this post. Let's see if you can handle the searing conflict from what's being said: It's okay to smell your fingers at any time. The next actor who plays James Bond should be a naturally redheaded white man. Mix equal parts Sprite, Dr. Pepper and Barq's Root Beer in one cup, and drink it all. Pizza can have sauce and toppings without cheese, and vice versa. Leave a window screen in the frame if it has a long tear all the way through it. Scratch a bug bite until it bleeds. Turning off a movie while an entire group is just getting into it isn't a bad thing. Dr. Suess books are difficult to read to children. Wear socks that have holes at the t...

1.  2.  3.  4.  *Bonus*: Mark Twain bred many kittens, but there's no evidence Ernest Hemingway was the father. 5.  6. 7.  8.  9.  10. 

1. Bob Marley didn't go by the name "Robert". 2. Bob Dylan didn't go by the name "Bob Marley". 3. A string quartet isn't a group of four individual strings. 4. Bonnie Raitt and Tori Amos have one thing in common: fingers. 5. At least three members of The Who were men. 6. Pharrell Williams rhymes with "the rail Williams". 7. The average song has strong ties to music. 8. Sight-reading is often related to musical notes, often on paper. 9. Rap music isn't readily associated with bull-riding. *Bonus*: Most rap artists don't like being called "rappists". 10. Some movies play music, even during the movie.

Validating useless art majors is the number one qualification to be a successful art critic. You have to seep your disapproval into a pool of tears over years of your wasted life before you can have a published opinion, which should go as follows: "This (art piece) was (inadequate) because of (reasons)." Great critique. Good job, you outsmarted make believe. It's worse when so-called "nerds" or "geeks" get in on the action during private conversation, whether spoken or using a forum. No wonder we haven't cured cancer as a species, or even the common cold. So much effort from the self-appointed experts of logic and science are too busy with better things. Because there's no sound in space! And the word should be spread, so we can avoid another scientifically and historically inaccurate retelling of the true events we've come to know as the Star Wars legacy.

Redhead sunburns are like a demon's skin being touched by the finger of heaven. It's like, you're just standing somewhere, being a demon, then an angel comes down to bless you. When it descends upon you and touches you, scalding all of your skin, it sees this and says, "Oh, s***..." then tries to quickly ascend back into heaven. But it can't. It can only be majestic. So, instead, it slowly rises, avoiding eye contact while you stare at it, with your hands lifted and your face twisted between confusion and disbelief. Redheads are the most unique creatures on earth, because we still get sun damage in a dark room. At night. But, we redheads are able to essentially synthesize our own vitamin D. We grow a lot of skin cancer, but hey. Vitamin D. Our skin, so proud, says, "Yeah! Look--well, we made some melanoma, probably malignant, 'cause we haven't figured that one out yet--but check it out! Vitamin D!" Then our skin makes our hands hi...